You know what I realized, so many of the ideals and principles I use to hold on to, I just don’t practice anymore. Now I don’t mean I’ve become a totally bad person, its just I’m one of those really idealistic people that like to put their ideals into every and all the itty bitty crevices of life, which I know some people might thing is just excessive or over the top or unnecessary but thats just how I am…or haven’t been in a while.
Its just now a days I feel like I’m tired, I don’t want to go the extra mile, I just do what is acceptable as opposed to exceptional. Like I’m just too tired, like I can’t deal with all the mess with being all over the top idealistic person. Yet its who I am and who I’ve been for as long as I can remember, yet I just don’t want to be because of all the trouble.I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. But basically I just don’t feel like myself.
In the last year or well 2 years, I’ve just gone through so much stress and changes, that I guess having to adapt to every situation has removed me from my natural state of mind. Maybe thats why I’m not as invested in my ideals as I used to be, because it would mean change, or ensuing change and I think I just need everything to be still for a while. Actually I would just love for everything to go back to the way it used to be LOL, but thats not realistic solution to hope for at all.
But anywho, I think I need to spend some time re-organizing my thoughts. I’ve spent so much time getting everything else in my life together (which is a good thing), I’ve kinda overlooked my internal thoughts. I feel like I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to just think. But thank goodness its Ramadan, there have been plenty of opportunities to think and reflect and iA by the end of this month, I’ll be all recharged!!!